The Importance of Simplifying Directions

You pick up Rachel from school today at 3:30pm, and your home and done with snack by 4:00pm. It's time to start homework. You run through the list of what you expect Rachel to have completed by the time you get back from dropping off your other kid at baseball practice and food shop for dinner. You get home at 5:30pm. An hour and a half has gone by and Rachel has done nothing.

Truth: Rachel most likely didn't hear what you said. Maybe she missed part of it, or maybe she missed all of it. Either way, she did not understand what you said well enough to act. See it through Rachel's lens. What if you only hear the following from your boss: "Email...right now...when I get back...I...see...done...at least...okay?". You would be very confused, but since you are an adult you wouldn't walk away and say "okay" or "got it", instead you'd ask for clarification until you know exactly what to do. Most children don't how to ask for clarification from their parent and more importantly fear that asking what you said will be letting you down. You can teach your child to ask for clarification, but realize, that will take a very long time to learn. Where you need to start is with simplifying your directions.

What I Suggest: Simplifying directions is the first step that needs to be made in order to make sure that your Rachel can get the plan, or at least part of the plan completed while you're away. Here is what you need to do: 
1. When giving oral directions be simplistic. The less words, the better. You only need to communicate the "what" and the "how" not the "why". Avoid going off on tangents about how important getting this done will be to you, to them, to the family, etc. Talking about the "why" increases anxiety, opportunity for push back, guilt, and fear. Keep it simple. Stick to "what" you want to see and "how" it can be done.
2. Always have a backup for what you said verbally. This can be a bulleted list of what you expect. But make sure the list is both concise and action oriented. Just saying "Of Mice And Men" isn't good enough. Tell your child "what" to do and "how" much to do: "Read Chapter 3 in Of Mice And Men".


Reply to this post if these two steps do not work for you and your child. You may need to employ Step 3: Checking for Understanding.