Quick and Easy Attention-Getting Strategies

Tiffany has been struggling to attend to information in class and at home. Even one-on-one, Tiffany loses focus quickly. Tiffany's resource teacher told me "I've tried everything". When I inquired more about what "everything" meant I realized a key attention-getting strategies were missing.

The Truth: Tiffany is similar to many students who struggle with inattention, especially those children who have ADHD, high anxiety, executive dysfunction, or experience(d) trauma. Attending to information that is unpleasant, difficult to process, or not provided in the optimal learning style can make focusing even more challenging. Additionally, focusing, or attending, has a time limit - and it's different for every human being. The great news is we learn to attend to all types of information and extend the timeline to which we can attend as our brains mature! But remember, your child's frontal lobe (where the ability to attend lies) will not develop until near adulthood. 

What I Suggest: When Tiffany's teacher told me she tried "everything", she meant in terms of discipline, or verbal reminders. Kids who struggle with attending are really great at tuning that out. Verbal feedback can sound monotone to students so repeating the child's name or saying "focus" just doesn't work. I suggest you use the other senses and change up the routine constantly. You don't want to child to become immune to the attention-getting strategy because you've overused it. Use these attention grabbers to get a student's attention when it is most necessary to avoid the tune out and maxing out the amount of "attention reserves" your child has. Here are a few attention-getting strategies to try that use senses other than our ears:

• Touch:
• Hand on the Shoulder (a great silent full-class attention-grabber)
• The "High-Five and Go" (even just putting your hand in front of the student and saying "high five listening, go" and the getting that high five grabs the student's attention to your body and to theirs)
• Clap 3 Times (often an attention-grabber used in the NFL to refocus a teammate when getting back on the field)
• The "Mimic Me" Pose (where you touch your nose and the student needs to attend directly to you and their own body to touch their nose in response - don't forget to change it up by doing an ear pull the next time and a double eye blink the one after that)
• Smell:
• Waft of a Scent (this is tricky because it can be a distraction; however if done correctly it's as simple as running a quick gum wrapper, an open lotion bottle, or the cap of a lemon juice bottle under the student's nose and asking "what did you smell?". Once they answer you, you've hooked them back in for the next chunk of attending time.)

Notice: Some of these strategies involve verbal feedback from the student. This verbal output is great to re-focus the student, but may not always we able to happen in a classroom setting.

Reply to this post if you want one of these attention-getting strategies to be performed to get a visual.

What to look for in a school

I am working with Jaden's family right now to identify the best environment for her for high school. It is difficult to find the right placement for Jaden. Her parent's keenly asked: "where exists a school that is going to both challenge and at the same time understand my child?"


The Truth: No matter the age, finding a school that is a good fit for your child is very difficult because your child is unique. Finding a good fit is going to look different for you and your child compared to another child and their family. However, here are some key factors in identify the best environment for your child:



What I Suggest: First, you must realize that the choice of best fit is for your child right now. If you try to plan too long-term ("well this is where I want Jaden to be in 4 years") it's not going to work. Your child will be very different in 4 years, and maybe even in 2 years and another placement change may be necessary again. Second, follow these guidelines when touring schools so as not to get caught up in the new and shiny tech labs: 

• Identify the positive culture, and make sure it's pervasive in your child's day. You do not want your kid in a punitive system of punishment. You want a positive behavior cycle where your student is rewarded for being them instead of punished for not fitting into the square peg.
• Identify the alternatives, and flexibility allowed to students. Since your kid is unique, their path is as well. You want to find a school that honors multiple paths and has options for achievement. If you hear "all kids have to take..." or "we require that everyone must meet these standards...", you can feel free to walk out.
• Identify your child's top need in a school. Don't think of it in the categories of "social", "academic" or "athletic". Instead, what does your child need the most support with? Maybe the top need is organizational support. If that's the case, going to a school that provides weekly or monthly plans ahead of time would be a great fit! Or, maybe, the top need is more time to process information. If that's the case, then going to that school that is rooted in mastery-based grading is going to be your child's best fit.

Thirdly, and most importantly, do not look at the school for yourself. It's easy to get caught up in "I would love this school if I was your age". But remember, you are not your child, and they are not you.



Reply to this post if you'd like a list of concrete questions to ask for each suggestion above.

How to Prepare for Change

Raven's mom and I just got off the phone to discuss how she can best support Raven in their move to a new town, a new school, new friends, and a new grade. Raven's mom knows change is hard for both her and her daughter.


In fact, change is hard for all of us - adults, children, babies, and even our eldest members. Change is hard for so many reasons. Knowing the reasons change is hard can help us identify what to do to plan for the changes ahead. Humans are fearful of change because we don't like to be uncomfortable, we don't like to venture into the unknown, and we definitely do not like to make any mistakes along the way!


So, knowing that change (both big and small) makes us fearful in all these ways, we must take steps to lessen our fear of change. If you are trying to prepare your child for upcoming change here is what you need to do:

• Talk openly about your fears and give talking space for all fears. 

We often assume that keeping our fears to ourselves and hidden will make us feel better. But this is not true. All humans, but in particular, children need to discuss their fears, just like they need to discuss each bump and bruise. Telling you their fears, and hearing your own fears makes all feel heard, understood, and valued.

• Identify many possible solutions to all talked about fears.

Once a concern is aired, such as "I won't have any more friends". Many solutions need to be presented by everyone. "Maybe you will find friends at school." "Maybe you can join the swim team over there and make some swim friends." "Maybe there will be kids in our neighborhood that are your same age." Giving a lot of solutions opens up a child's mind to the many ways to cope with or even eliminate the fears they have.

Reply to this post if you want more suggestions for what to do once a change takes place and adjustment to change is not an easy task for you or your child.

What Happens When They Leave?

A senior whom I case manage came up to me and asked me a very simple and thoughtful question: “Who is my “IEP person” when I get to college?” Jasmine’s question was met with a very harsh response, as the truth was: “well… You!”.

The Truth: Jasmine is like every senior who gets learning or other support services from their school personnel (private or public). Case managers hold all the pieces together for their students by managing their IEPs. Case managers help students identify appropriate schedules for courses, create meaningful goals, monitor these goals, keep track of accommodations and make sure those accommodations are being provided. But what happens when that doesn’t exist for them after they leave high school? The simple truth: no one other than themselves.

What I Suggest: The good news: this harsh reality is something you can prepare your senior for. More general suggestions include: scaffolding the support so more responsibility falls on the student, have students run portions of their IEPs, and encourage them to ask for support directly and specifically. However, I suggest you do a bit more. Have your senior ask themselves the questions that case mangers ask themselves. Have your child put themselves in their case manager’s shoes. For example, I, as a case manager may ask “when does it make sense for me to schedule Jasmine’s extended time for the in class English essay coming up this week?”. Jasmine can ask herself the same question, but replacing “Jasmine” with “my” or “I”. Through repetition, students will learn how to ask themselves the right questions to then advocate for their needs. A sample of such questions that case managers ask each week that seniors can start asking themselves are:

• What is my load this week? 
• When should I schedule my extended time?
• What accommodations do I anticipate I’ll need?

Reply to this post if you’d like more example questions case managers ask themselves that your child can start asking themselves today.

Getting Support Services in College for Your Graduating Senior

Seniors are graduating from schools across the country, east and west, north and south. Several of these seniors are students who will need more support when they get to college. But where do they get this support? And how do they go about doing it?

Seniors with diagnosed disabilities who are headed to college in the Fall should start contacting the services at their college over the summer. Every school calls these services a different name, however most likely the name is a spin-off of “DPRC”, or the “Disabled Persons Resource Center”. While the name of this place is an obvious turn-off for any student with a disability, this place is their go to. As soon as possible, set up a meeting with a counselor there. At the meeting you will want to bring all documentation (IEPs or 504s, Psycho-educational Assessment Reports, etc.) and here is what you will want to know:

1. What support will I receive here based on my disability?
   (Most schools rank disabilities on a scale for funding and service reasons. Your child may not be eligible for services due to their disability marker.)
2. What accommodations are you able to provide me? (Colleges are usually limited in what they provide, but all do provide some basic accommodations, such as: priority registration, extended time, and shared note-taking.)
3. Where do I go to get my accommodations and will I need to request them for each class? (This is often the reality in college. Colleges want students to request the support they need for each class, each semester, for all semesters. This can be tiresome and time-consuming for students, so make sure your senior plans this into their schedule at the beginning of each semester.)
4. Will you inform my teachers I have a disability and of the accommodations I receive? (Many DPRCs keep student’s information private and believe it is a breech of privacy to inform the professor that one of their students has a disability. Knowing their procedures is important to know so your child can plan to communicate with their instructors directly about their disability. 

After meeting with the counselor, make sure you have another appointment set up about 2-3 weeks into the term. It may be helpful to check in and either add additional accommodations, problem-solve about a specific professor or class, or get support with adding or dropping classes. While this counselor will not keep tabs on your student, they are a resource and support on campus. 

Start Seeing Through Your Child's Eyes

Steph is an incredible student of mine. Her mom asked me how I know when Steph will struggle and how do I know what helps. The answer was not what mom expected. I told mom: "I can see what Steph sees". She was expecting me to say something like "Steph is like other students who I work with", or "the research says that students like Steph struggle with X which manifest itself as Y, Z, A, B, C..."

The Truth: It is actually quite a simple answer for something that takes time to learn how to do effectively. Yes, knowing the research and strategies that will support you student is a great place to start! However, it is more about seeing what your child sees. I don't mean "knowing" your daughter or son as that implies knowing their behaviors. I mean, genuinely seeing through their eyes. This is the not so simple part. It requires a recipe of strategic listening, patience, and honesty, trial and error.



Here's What I Suggest: The first step to "seeing through your child's eyes" is to listen to your child. Listen and look at what they are struggling with. Participate in a strategy I call Guided Questioning. Once you listen and ask targeted questions you are on the path to seeing through your child's eyes. If you can look at an assignment and answer the following questions, you are on the right track. Here is what Steph's mom is now able to ask herself when she see through her daughter's eyes: 

• How would Steph see this page?
• What would Steph perceive to be easy? And, difficult?
• What does this assume Steph has done/not done to be successful on this?
• What would make this look manageable (doable) to Steph?

Reply to this post if you want to see me answer these "through your child's eyes" questions about an assignment that Steph was given.

Changing Our Language: Strategy and Process Praising

We are all guilty of saying "good girl" or "you are so smart". Here you will learn a more beneficial way to praise.

Praise is a coernerstone to child development. Praising is how your child knows what they have done right and what your epectations of them are.

Praising poperly is very important. Most people's instinct is to praise based on success outcomes: good grades, behaving properly, meeting a goal, etc. I encourage all of us to limit this type of praise as much as possible, and instead praise children for streatgy and process use.

It goes a little something like this:

You say: "John, I am so proud of you for breaking that assignment up into managable pieces for yourself." (This is regardless of John's ability to complete each piece - because that was not what you praised here.)

Or, you say: "John, that was so awesome that you used the strategy of reading aloud to yourself to understand that problem more easily." (This is regardless of John's actual success on the problem.)

Or you can even say: "John, I'm really pleased with your ability to estimate 30 minutes for this assignment, and get it done in 20." (Notice: here you are praising the result/outcome, however you are doing so by rewarding the process that John took to get there.)

Praising appropriately will give your child a new perspective on your expectations. Instead of "Mom only cares when I'm right", you are transforming their thinking to "Mom loves when I try to succeed."

Changing Our Language: "Would You Be Willing?"

To continue the importance of changing our language, today I will discuss the important of the phrase "would you be willing?"

Many students I work with can be described as lacking cognitive flexibility, or having a "fixed mindset". You know, that kid whose favorite words are "no", "I can't" and "I don't want to". 

When supporting a student whose natural instinct is to think of what isn't possible, you want to make sure you are using more suggestive language in addition to choice language (see the previous post).

So, what does suggestive language look like?

Whenever you provide your child with options, choices, or suggestions follow up or begin the suggestion with "would you be willing?" It looks something like this:

Your child says: "I can't do this math. She didn't teach me any of this."

You say: "Would you be willing to have me look at the problem you're stuck on?"

Your child says: "Fine." (Of, if they refuse, provide another "would you be willing" statement or two choices.)

You say: "It looks like I can't help you learn to solve this. Would you be willing to try looking this concept up on Khan Academy?"

Your child says: "Khan is so dumb. It doesn't know how to do this."

You say: "So you're not willing to try Khan Academy. What about emailing the teacher? Would you be willing to email the teacher?"

And so on...

Asking if your child would be willing to try a strategy or solution will allow your child to evaluate their comfort level with that suggestion. By inviting the student to have choice in saying "no", the use of "no" will become less automatic. In fact, one student whom I use "would you be willing?" phrasing with all the time turned to me just last month and said: "I wish my mom and dad would ask me what I think instead of just yelling at me to do something. I feel like you want to know what I think I can do right so I can try what I want to try."

Changing Our Language: "You have a Choice. What do you Choose?"

I have noticed a lot of parents and educators surprised by the impact of the language I am using with the student's I support. To many, my language feels less directive and more suggestive. Here is one of a series of special posts on the power of language and how you can use language to support your student. 

Recently a parent told me, "I don't know how you get Ted to listen and follow through. I am so specific in what I want him to do, but still, he does nothing I say." My response was simply, "When we provide choice, Ted is now in control." Ted is a typical kid: all he wants is to be in control of his actions. I am not sure I know anyone (adult or child) who actually likes to be told what to do.

So how do you get out of the cycle of directive after directive, "do this", "don't do that", and the yelling that ensues when your expectations are not met? Simply put, all you need to do is provide choice.

Choice language goes something like this:

You say: "You have a choice." "Would you rather play for 10 more minutes on the slide? Or play 5 minutes on the slide and 5 minutes on the monkey bars? What do you choose?"

Your child says: "I want to..." (make sure it is one of your choices. If it isn't then you reiterate the choices using the exact same language as above.)

You say: "Okay, so your choice is to play for 10 more minutes on the slide before we leave."

Now, let's say your child is not coming when you call them after that 10 minutes is up, you need to use choice language again.

You say: "Remeber, your choice was...." (And, if needed provide yet another set of two choices for how you will be leaving the park."

This language allows your child to direct their own choices. Yes, you may have provided the two choices, but they made the decision!

When We Let Fallbacks Happen

You have been supporting Sonia so much in all her classes. You email the teachers every day to ask what the homework was. You are so worried about what would happen if you backed off and let her take charge of knowing what homework she has she would not succeed in her classes. Her teachers keep telling you to "let her fail to figure it out".

The Truth: There is a lot of jargon out there now-a-days about "falling forward" and "letting them fail their way to success". Honestly, this concept is misconstrued and wrongly worded. "Failing forward" implies that we are "letting" students, our kids, "fail" their way to the top. First of all, this is litterally almost impossible to achieve. And, second, is exactly not what a parent, teacher, or any person should do when working with a child. The central idea of this "let them fail" belief is that a student should learn through their mistakes and through controversy they experience and that we adults should let them have those experiences.

What I Suggest: Please, stop using phrases that use the word "fail" and implies "success". This is confusing to kids and doesn't make much sense to us adults either. Instead, I encourage you to "let fallbacks happen". This may seem like semantics, but it is much more than replacement of negatively charged verbiage. It is a mindset. We should never back away from supporting a child if we are capable of supporting their needs. However, there are those times when a child has been provided support and is actively choosing not to receive the help in one way or another or scaffolds need to be removed to release some of the control back to the student. In Sonia's case, you need to step back little-by-little. Give her one task at a time and "let fallbacks happen" as they will. And when these "fallbacks" occur, support her in understanding what has happened and how she can prevent herself from falling again (Hint! Hint! Most likely with the support of a strategy!).



Reply to this post with a situation in which you have let "fallbacks" happen with your child and have helped them experienced success by doing so.

Warning! Transitions Ahead!

Seth is sitting at his computer playing an online video game. You have stopped by his room twice already to ask him to switch his laundry so you can put the towels in the wash. Seth agreed - both times! An hour later, you go to the laundry room and see everything exactly how Seth left it hours before. Seth has all the intention in the world to get that laundry moved. Remember: he did agree to it - twice! What's happening is Seth is really struggling to transition.

Transitioning is very hard for many students. Transitions exist when students are asked to switch from one task to another. This can be in a more physical sense, such as moving from class to class and getting out the door in the morning. But transitions are also cognitive. Students are being asked to transition their thinking when transitioning from one task to another. This can be seen in the class environment and at home. In the case of Seth, you were asking him to switch not only his body from the seated position to the standing one in order to get this task complete, you were also asking him to stop his flow of thinking. The cognitive shift between Seth's video gaming frame of mind and the laundry machine operating frame of mind are very different and require proper warning in order for Seth to transition most effectively.

What I Suggest: Help your student transition more easily from tasks to task through guided prompting (warnings). First, always set a time frame! Second, break it down into manageable steps with physical and cognitive directives. Let's use Seth as our example for how to do this effectively. The first time you approach Seth ask him to look up and pause his game in 30 seconds. This can feel like a long time, but gamers like Seth deeply appreciate you giving a timeframe instead of starting to talk at them as they are engrossed in their game. Once you have Seth's attention, ask "would you be willing to move the laundry from the washer to the dryer?" Seth would have probably said "yeah". Then ask: "when would be a good time for you to move the clothes?" (Remember, be specific as to what the task is to aide Seth in transitioning.) Seth will give you a time, and if he doesn't you suggest a few ("what about in 5 minutes?", "10 minutes?") because "after my game" is not concrete enough. Then, tell him you will give him a one-minute warning, and actually provide Seth with this minute warning. Before you let Seth continue playing and approach him again at a minute till, ask him "what do you think you'll need to do first in order to transition to switching the laundry?". You want to guide him in answering you with "pause my game", and not "go to the laundry room" or "stop playing". You want Seth to know exactly the first step he and you should expect to do and see. Then, always provide Seth with positive affirmation if he was able to follow all the warnings and transition effectively. 

Reply to this post if you would like a list of tips for teachers on how to transition students effectively both cognitively and physically when shifting activities in the classroom.

The Difference Between A 504 Plan And An IEP

Many people wonder whether their child should have an IEP or a 504. Let me first define the difference before offering up a more simplified comparison:

IEP: The acronym for Individualized Education Plan enforced in public schools for student with learning disabilities. The IEP creates an opportunity for teachers, parents, school administrators, related services personnel and students to work together to improve educational results for children with disabilities by outlining service minutes, goals, and accommodations specific to the individual student. Annual meetings for goal progress checking, and Triennial re-evaluations are held according to IDEA regulations.1

504: A plan developed by school teams and parents to support the educational needs of a student with a disability that “substantially limits one or more major life activity” such as: learning, speaking, listening, reading, writing, concentrating, caring for oneself, etc. Within the plan accommodations for learning are listed, but rarely will modifications be provided to a student with a 504.2

These definitions seem cumbersome, so here is the reality of the options: * A 504 provides less support overall.
* A 504 is considered when a student has a lower incidence disability.
* An IEP requires the school to do their own assessment regardless of an outside support provider's diagnosis.
* An IEP requires the school to provide personnel and an amount of service minutes.
* An IEP and a 504 both indicate accommodations, however a 504 doesn't have a case manager whose job is to support the facilitation of accommodations.
* An IEP will officially label the student as being a part of Special Education.
* Private schools do not offer IEPs or 504s, however you can request an IEP assessment through the district in which you reside.

Reply to this post if you'd like more advice about which to advocate for from your school for your particular student.

2http://www.ncld.org/students-disabilities/iep-504-plan/what-is-iep

1http://www.ncld.org/students-disabilities/iep-504-plan/is-504-plan-right-for-my-child

The Top 3 At Your Child's IEP

You are at Isaac's initial IEP meeting. You get to the room and are immediately taken aback by how many people there are in the room. You don't even have a chance to understand who everyone is before you are handed the IEP (a 25+ page document) when the people in the room start taking turns talking at you. After 2 hours in the room, you still don't really know what you should have made sure happened for your child.

The Truth: You are not alone! The IEP is a very overwhelming document for everyone. This document has so many checkboxes and phrases that may not even apply to your child. Very rarely are you given a copy of the document ahead of time so you can process the information before walking into the meeting. Some parents have even told me that they "have to" sign the document right then and there without having sufficient time to see what the document even says.


Here's What I Suggest: Come in knowing that there are 3 sections you are most concerned with getting correct. One occurs on the front page, while the other two occur on the last few pages. This will give you a good reference in case you can't remember the specific terms. On the first page it says the disability designation with a short blurb as to why that disability was checked. Make sure your student's disability is accurately marked and described. Then, focus your energy on the last few pages which have the accommodations and service minutes designations. On the accommodations page you want to make sure that you have accommodations worded correctly. These accommodations should align to the support your student needs to be successful in the general education classroom. The third essential page is the service minutes page. You want your child to have as many supports as possible. This is where you'll want to make sure the number of minutes and the type of support of those proposed minutes matches the amount and type of support your child needs. 

So, there are your top 3: disability designation, accommodations, and service minutes.

Reply to this post if you'd like to see a sample of each page I discussed above.

Help Your Child Build A Personal Learning Profile

I was sitting in a meeting with my student and the disability services counselor at the college they are going to and the first question the counselor asks is: "how would you describe your disability?" The student was completely stuck for words, stared at me, and shruggingly responded: "I don't know". How would your child answer this same question?

The Truth: Describing your disability requires you to 1.) know that you have a disability, 2.) know what that disability is, 3.) understand how that disability manifests itself in your everyday life, and 4.) what strategies will work to help. This is not easy! I find that most teachers and parents struggle to understand their son/daughter's disability to the level of answering that question from the counselor. 

What I Suggest: Help your child learn about their disability and constantly revisit the discussion as often as you can in order to further clarify their understanding. What I like to do with my students is create what I call a "Personal Learning Profile". This is a place where I have students write about their disability, their strengths and challenges, the accommodations they receive, and how teachers and support staff can help them succeed. Helping your child build a Personal Learning Profile will help them learn more about their disability, and have documentation for themselves, yourself, and their teachers to review as needed. 

Respond to this post if you'd like a sample of a student's "Personal Learning Profile" from a student I worked with who is now in college and doing incredibly!

The Memory Problem

You are helping Jace study for his Spanish test tomorrow. You are going over the vocabulary together. He made note cards several nights ago, but when you try to test him without the notecards, it seems he knows nothing.

Truth: Many students are not encoding information well enough into their long-term memory. Without the proper memory hooks, memories can be made both incorrectly or singularly. In the case of Jace he may know the vocabulary really well when tested on the words using his note cards because he may have memorized the ordering, and the visuals of the letters on the front and back. But Jace still needs that cue in order to recall the word. Jace cannot respond to his mom's quizzing because he doesn't have this cue. In fact, Jace and his mom now know Jace has not made strong enough memory hooks to recall the information on command in another form (in this case auditorily).

What I Suggest: Help Jace make proper memory hooks. Using multiple formats to manipulate information helps encode it correctly and for longer. For studying this Spanish vocabulary, Jace needs to identify what is interesting, similar, different, or unique about the words he is having trouble remembering and make memory associations. For instance, Jace cannot remember what the word "nueva" means in English. To help Jace build his memory hook help him identify: maybe"Nueva" has an "N" just like it's definition "new", or maybe "Nueva" sounds like "new wave". Help Jace draw his memory connection: maybe a wave with  both "new wave" and "nueva" written on the image. Hooking new or unfamiliar information with old or encoded information will allow Jace to answer "new" every time he sees, hears, or thinks of the word "nueva" (and vice-a-versa). 




Reply to this post if you'd like some visual examples of the memory hook strategies I mentioned above.