Changing Our Language: "You have a Choice. What do you Choose?"

I have noticed a lot of parents and educators surprised by the impact of the language I am using with the student's I support. To many, my language feels less directive and more suggestive. Here is one of a series of special posts on the power of language and how you can use language to support your student. 

Recently a parent told me, "I don't know how you get Ted to listen and follow through. I am so specific in what I want him to do, but still, he does nothing I say." My response was simply, "When we provide choice, Ted is now in control." Ted is a typical kid: all he wants is to be in control of his actions. I am not sure I know anyone (adult or child) who actually likes to be told what to do.

So how do you get out of the cycle of directive after directive, "do this", "don't do that", and the yelling that ensues when your expectations are not met? Simply put, all you need to do is provide choice.

Choice language goes something like this:

You say: "You have a choice." "Would you rather play for 10 more minutes on the slide? Or play 5 minutes on the slide and 5 minutes on the monkey bars? What do you choose?"

Your child says: "I want to..." (make sure it is one of your choices. If it isn't then you reiterate the choices using the exact same language as above.)

You say: "Okay, so your choice is to play for 10 more minutes on the slide before we leave."

Now, let's say your child is not coming when you call them after that 10 minutes is up, you need to use choice language again.

You say: "Remeber, your choice was...." (And, if needed provide yet another set of two choices for how you will be leaving the park."

This language allows your child to direct their own choices. Yes, you may have provided the two choices, but they made the decision!