Changing Our Language: "Would You Be Willing?"

To continue the importance of changing our language, today I will discuss the important of the phrase "would you be willing?"

Many students I work with can be described as lacking cognitive flexibility, or having a "fixed mindset". You know, that kid whose favorite words are "no", "I can't" and "I don't want to". 

When supporting a student whose natural instinct is to think of what isn't possible, you want to make sure you are using more suggestive language in addition to choice language (see the previous post).

So, what does suggestive language look like?

Whenever you provide your child with options, choices, or suggestions follow up or begin the suggestion with "would you be willing?" It looks something like this:

Your child says: "I can't do this math. She didn't teach me any of this."

You say: "Would you be willing to have me look at the problem you're stuck on?"

Your child says: "Fine." (Of, if they refuse, provide another "would you be willing" statement or two choices.)

You say: "It looks like I can't help you learn to solve this. Would you be willing to try looking this concept up on Khan Academy?"

Your child says: "Khan is so dumb. It doesn't know how to do this."

You say: "So you're not willing to try Khan Academy. What about emailing the teacher? Would you be willing to email the teacher?"

And so on...

Asking if your child would be willing to try a strategy or solution will allow your child to evaluate their comfort level with that suggestion. By inviting the student to have choice in saying "no", the use of "no" will become less automatic. In fact, one student whom I use "would you be willing?" phrasing with all the time turned to me just last month and said: "I wish my mom and dad would ask me what I think instead of just yelling at me to do something. I feel like you want to know what I think I can do right so I can try what I want to try."